Almost madly in love you can say. And the reason why i post today and now at 10.15pm, is because this is the only place i found out that my dear will not look at. Since it is almost secluded, i think she also won't come. Yeah.. This is what happened today..I was so happy that she finally broke camp after 2 harsh empty days for me. She is able to come online because it's the holiday or because her parents are out. It is really a great joy for me. Well, we were chatting happily, playing with my web cam. It was really fun. But due to a small accident, my clothes got soiled and had to bathe. Then my sister took over the computer. Haiiz, looking at her playing couple mode.. with her FAM member. Of course a bit jealous, because well, maybe i'm just over-sensitive.
After that i took the computer and went to see her using my account. She said "Wait" when i whispered her where she is. Tell me honestly, how many of you will think madly when you just saw her playing couple dance with her FAM member. Haha, maybe i'm possessive already. Also, to add on the worriness, i do not have premium messenger plus. Which is able to track down people on which channel they are at. Hence i went to channel by channel to find her.
In the end i found her at channel 14. Long search though. It was pathetic for me. To search for my GF so desperately because of just a word : "Wait". Then the quarrels happened. One wave after another. I decided to launch a cold war. Couldn't tolerate the silence anymore and so i spoke first. Finally got it solved. And now.. all her sms-es to me are like.. "I don't think you want to talk on the phone. If you want just say so".
There's this phrase i saw in a book: Silent Run. "Give people what they want, and they will want you" and from the factor that she say she won't sleep until it is sorted, i accepted what she wanted me to. (Not gonna say it). But explaination just doesn't get into her. Maybe it's just my lousy explaining skills. No one seemed to understood them. At first she understood. But now, it's all the same. I pacified her, did everything i could to salvage the situation. But i can't. She no longer sms the way she did just a few hours ago.
I guess that's it. I think that's it. I can't think of a way anymore. My mind went blank. I have to sleep. Yet i feel empty without her voice. And then i realised.. her phone calls are becoming a want instead of a need anymore. Now, we control whether we want to call or not. Last time was.. no matter what also must call. And we even decided on where we want to meet, what we want to do, when we want to go... Haiiz. I hope the horoscope match is wrong. Please.. save me someone... This is also the first time i can differenciate the difference between not suited to be together and don't love.
Don't love basically means no love feelings or special feelings toward someone.
Not suited means that there is attitude difference, preferrance clash, untimely incidents, etc. But it doesn't mean that one don't like another. One can like the other yet not suited to each other. I guess that's the best expression that maybe a dictionary can't show. I would like to dedicate this song: Whisung - I am missing for dear. It will be on my blog for around 2 weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience caused. Our home is collapsing...
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